The Patience Principle: The Journey With Others is Slower Than the Journey Alone

For the friendship of two, the patience of one is necessary. ~ Anonymous

The Question I Must Ask Myself: Do I take others with me even when it's inconvenient?

TRAVEL TIPS

○ Patience without connection - the relationship lacks energy

○ Connection without patience - the relationship lacks potential
○ Connection with patience - the relationship has energy & potential

MAKING PATIENCE A VIRTUE
○ Just about everyone would agree that patience is a good quality; we admire & desire it
○ Those of us who need it most are least inclined to cultivate it, however.
○ We need patience to develop patience & here is a plan on how-to:
1) Prioritize Patience As a Virtue Worthy of Developing
a. "The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not smashing it" ~ Arnold Glasgow
b. In the long run, you'll find that patience with people is beneficial to you
c. If you're an impatient person & have a hard time prioritizing patience now, then know this: the people around you will benefit from it immediately
¨ "The greatest virtues are those which are most useful to other persons" ~ Aristotle
2) Understand That It Takes Time to Build Good Relationships
3) Practice the Exchange Principle
□ To develop patience, you need to appreciate how other people think & be sensitive to how they feel. Every person thinks…
¨ His problems are biggest
¨ His jokes are funniest
¨ His prayers should get special attention
¨ His situation is different
¨ His victories are the most exemplary
¨ His faults should be overlooked
¨ In short, each of us thinks our circumstances warrant special consideration - people should be extra patient with us.
□ Instead, we should put ourselves in the other person's place
4) Realize That People Have & Create Problems
□ When you decide to develop a relationship with another person, keep in mind that it's a package deal.
¨ You don't get to take only the good stuff & reject the bad.
¨ Everyone has problems, blinds spots, and bad habits.
¨ Try to give others the same kind of grace you'd like to receive for your shortcomings.
5) Identify Areas Where People Need Patience with You
□ Ask people close to you to identify areas where they've been "longsuffering" with you
□ If you can keep in mind that others are being patient with you in multiple areas, it helps you to remember to be patient with others
6) Recognize That All Relationships Have Give-Ups, Give-Ins, & Give-&-Takes
□ GIVE-UPS - Things you like to do but should not do at this time.
□ GIVE-INS - Things you don't like to do but should do at this time
□ GIVE-&-TAKES - Things we do for one another

Within your inner circle there are people who are integral to your satisfaction & success. Some of those people are faster than you, & some of them are slower. But with all of them try to do these things:
□ SERVE THEM - Let them lead & do it their way, & assist them when it helps
□ MENTOR THEM - Answer their questions, set an example, & direct or correct only when it will make a difference
□ VALUE THEM - Listen to their ideas, respect their positions, & never undermine their authority
□ REWARD THEM - Take good care of those who take good care of you

Image: Patience by berniethegiraffe

101% Principle: Find the 1% we agree on & give it 100% of our effort

If two men on the same job agree all the time, then one is useless. If they disagree all the time, then both are useless. ~ Darryl F. Zanuck

THE QUESTION I MUST ASK MYSELF: Can I find common ground, & will I give it 100% of my effort?

WHEN TO PRACTICE THE 101% PRINCIPLE
1) Is the Person Worth the Commitment?
             § Every person has worth, but you can't give every person the time or energy that the 101% Principle requires
     § So who is "worthy" of this kind of attention?
□ The list begins with your spouse if you're married
   □ Add your family members to the list
□ If you own a business & have partners, they must be included
□ Add your friends
□ Beyond that circle, use your judgment
     § If there's good potential for a mutually rewarding relationship & you can afford to expend the energy, then you might want to give the 101% Principle a try when you find it difficult to agree.
2) Is the Situation Worth the Commitment?
     § Most situations where disagreements occur are short-term
     § Save your energy for scenarios where your expenditure of time & attention will have a long-term return.
3) Is the Issue Worth the Commitment?
     § When an issue touches on a priority in your life or impacts one of your values use this principle
    § "In necessary things, unity; in doubtful things, liberty; in all things, charity" ~ Richard Baxter
4) Is the Return Worth the Commitment?

A 101% RETURN - Practicing the 101% Principle can benefit you in many ways
1) It Allows You to Build a Foundation for Change
§ If you're in a relationship where you want to influence someone & change the way he sees/does something, then you shouldn't try to initiate the change in an area where you disagree.
§ Change always begins with common ground
2) It Prevents Unnecessary Conflict
§ It's hard to argue with people when they're right
§ When you focus on the area when you agree with someone else, you are on safe ground.
3) It Reduces the Odds of Making Enemies
§ "He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare, while he who has one enemy will meet him everywhere" ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
§ Even one enemy in life is more than we would care to have
4) It Keeps Something of Value That Could Otherwise Be Lost
5) It Helps You to Feel Good About Your Part of the Relationship
6) It Enables You to Make the Best of Difficult Situations

Image: An Agreement by YuYuchan

The Gardening Principle: All Relationships Need Cultivation

Friendship is like money, easier made than kept. - Samuel Butler

The Question I Must Ask Myself: Do I occasionally or continually cultivate my relationships?

HOW DOES YOUR GARDEN GROW?
○ You cannot neglect a relationship and expect it to grow.
○ That's not to say all relationships are the same & need the same amount of time & attention.
     § The nature and purpose of the relationship will determine the energy & time needed to      cultivate it.
     § Every relationship is different but fit into one of three categories:

1. Some People Come into Our Lives for a REASON
○ Many relationships are very short & occur for very specific reasons
     § Sometimes they come & then go away forever.
     § Other times they're ongoing but intermittent
○ These relationships need only brief, periodic cultivation.
2. Some People Come into Our Lives for a SEASON
○ Last only for a period of time [a few weeks or as long as several years]
○ Many times they're related to our current circumstances or situations
3. Some People Come into Our Lives for a LIFETIME
○ Ongoing/Permanent thus they require constant cultivation
○ Our closest friendships are most valuable to us, & like anything of value, they cost us something. We can't neglect them and expect them to survive
○ Long-term relationships require us to:
     § Wade thru a few things that are difficult
     § Work for many things that are needed
     § Wait on some things that take time
     § Watch out for those things that can be harmful
     § Wave good-bye to personal things that are selfish
○ These are all aspects of cultivation

Ways to Keep Cultivating Important Relationships
1) Commitment
     a. There may be nothing more important in a marriage than a determination that it shall persist. With such a determination, individuals force themselves to adjust & to accept situations which would otherwise seem sufficient grounds for a breakup - Dr. Alfred Kinsey
     b. Deep commitment to the relationship is one of the greatest assets all deep relationships
     c. What we obtain too cheaply we esteem too little; it is dearness only that gives everything its value
2) Communication
     a) It is impossible to learn anything important about anyone until we get them to disagree with us; it is only in contradiction that character is disclosed - Sydney J. Harris
     b) Relationships begin with easy communication
     c) Sometimes a spark ignites a friendship
     d) The relationship deepens with more difficult communication
     e) And it Is sustained with intentional communication
3) Friendship
4) Memories
5) Growth
6) Spoiling Each Other

a. If the first law of friendship is that it has to be cultivated, the second law is to be indulgent when the first law has been neglected - Voltaire

Image: Cultivate by dcamacho

The Wolf in the Sheep Suit - By Mark D. Roberts

Have you ever noticed how some sins seem to get all the attention while others are casually dismissed? All too often, we shine the spotlight of judgment on others’ speck-sized sins—while letting our own log-sized transgressions obscure our moral vision.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Gossip is one of those sins that too easily flies beneath our ethical radar. We can tell friends about others’ big, bad sins without realizing, by doing so, we're committing a big, bad sin of our own. We conveniently minimize our offense, frequently with a guise of prayerful concern. After all, we think, being honest is what’s important. Yet, gossiping can corrode our hearts and the lives of others.

To set the record straight: Gossip is talking about other people behind their backs. It usually involves negative or private details that put the individual in a bad light. While the content of the discussion might not be that scandalous, our careless words nevertheless can cause hurt.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
What's So Bad About Gossip?

The Bible calls such idle talk a sin, plain and simple. If you're inclined to dismiss gossip as some minor peccadillo, consider the company it keeps. Romans 1:29-30 describes it as “wickedness,” in the same category with "greed, hate, envy, murder, fighting, deception, malicious behavior,” backstabbing, and pride.1 Anything linked with murder and hatred must have some seriously destructive power!

Gossip greatly damages relationships. It "separates the best of friends," (Proverbs 16:28) causing alienation, anger, and bitterness. Show me a Christian community filled with gossip, and I'll show you a family divided, torn apart by hurt and mistrust. Just recently, gossip disseminated through e-mail among leaders at my church nearly split apart one of our finest outreach ministries. But as another Proverb (26:20) notes, "Fire goes out for lack of fuel, and quarrels disappear when gossip stops."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Looking Better, Becoming Worse

Talking about others can create a false sense of self-righteousness. If you've ever imbibed the intoxicating wine of gossip, you know that behind the virtuous exterior of concern, it's really “all about me.” In truth, we often divulge someone else’s secrets or faults for our own benefit, although we’d swear we do so to help him or her. Not only do we puff up our self-worth by showing we’re “in the know,” but we also imply we’re better than the other person.

It’s a tempting prospect. When we gossip, we feel like morally superior insiders. Even better, if you can do this in the context of a prayer meeting (by sharing a "concern" about an individual), you get the satisfaction of feeling like a spiritual giant to boot. But the momentary exhilaration of being one-up at the expense of others isn’t worth the cost—either to the church or to our own soul.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Sheep Fight Back

By gossiping, we’re actually showing we are self-deceived sinners who lack the maturity to be trusted with confidential information. Ouch. We’re flat-out disobeying God's Word and damaging His body.

But take heart! We don’t have to get caught in the teeth of this temptation.

1. Recognize gossip for what it is. We need to call what the Bible says is a sin, a sin. When we speak ill of someone, it's almost always wrong. (There are exceptions when speaking out is right, such as reporting a crime or telling parents about their child's dangerous behavior.) If you're inclined to gossip, stop rationalizing. Let the Holy Spirit bring conviction and lead you to repentance.

2. Understand the breadth of gossip’s destructiveness. “The tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do... It can turn the entire course of your life into a blazing flame of destruction,” James warns the church. (3:5-6) What can initially seem harmless is actually a deadly virus that endangers the health of Christ’s body. If we care about unity in the church as the Lord does (John 17:20-21), we'll be motivated to refrain from speaking without thinking first.

3. Reclaim the power of your words to strengthen and edify others. James 3:2-4 tells us, like a ship’s rudder, the tiny tongue can direct our entire destiny—toward life or death. When we realize our words have great power to do both good and evil, we'll stop underestimating the hurtfulness of gossip and start using our words to build others up, even when they're not within earshot.

4. When you’re on gossip’s receiving end, intentionally praise others, replacing hurtful words with genuine affirmation. Responding to a malicious report with a statement of authentic encouragement can bring the sin of gossip to light. In the process, it can shut down the offender and lead to repentance and reconciliation. First Peter 4:8 reminds us, “Love covers a multitude of sins,”

When we turn away from gossip—which is an effort at self-edification—we find that God alone can satisfy our need for eternal value and confidence. Moreover, we discover the joy of using words to bring life and unity to Christ's body.

The Investment Question: Are we willing to invest in others?

No man can live happily who regards himself alone; who turns everything to his own advantage. You must live for others if you wish to live for yourself
~Seneca

Why is investing in others so important? To discover the answer, think about this:
○ You may build a beautiful house, but eventually it will crumble
○ You may develop a fine career, but one day it will be over.
○ You may save a great sum of money, but you can't take it with you.
○ You may be in superb health today, but in time it will decline.
○ You may take pride in your accomplishments, but someone will surpass you.
So many people invest in these things, but they're TRANSITORY.

Relationships are like anything else. The return you get depends on what you invest.

Once you've gotten to know people invest in them. The best relationships are always the result of unselfish giving.

The five following people principles offer insight on some of the most important ways we can invest in relationships

· The Gardening Principle: All relationships need cultivation
· The 101% Principle: Find the 1% we agree on & give it 100% of our effort
· The Patience Principle: The journey with others is slower than the journey alone
· The Celebration Principle: The true test of relationships isn't only how loyal we are when friends fail, but how thrilled we are when they succeed
· The High Road Principle: We go to a higher level when we treat others better than they treat us

Photo: Volunteer Teacher in Rize

THE FOXHOLE PRINCIPLE

WHEN PREPARING FOR BATTLE, DIG A HOLE BIG ENOUGH FOR A FRIEND

In poverty & other misfortunes of life, true friends are a sure refuge. The young they keep out of mischief, to the old they are a comfort & aid in their weakness, & those in the prime of life they incite to noble deeds.

~ Aristole

THE QUESTION I MUST ASK MYSELF: AM I A FRIEND THAT OTHERS DEPEND ON DURING DIFFICULT TIMES?

Solomon of ancient Israel wrote:
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him that is alone when he falleth, and hath not another to lift him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have warmth; but how can one be warm alone? And if a man prevail against him that is alone, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
~ Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

THE FACTS ABOUT FOXHOLES

We face many kinds of battles in life, & the "foxholes" we sometimes inhabit come in many shapes and sizes: home, a business, a sports team, a small group, a platoon, etc.

1. The foxhole is for you and a friend - not a friend alone
     a. You can ask a friend to fight with you, but you should never send someone else to fight      your battles.
2. Before the battle, you have developed a friendship
     a. This principle is not about imposing on distant acquaintances or using people
3. You also have to be in your friends' foxholes with them.
     a. You should be willing to fight for any friend whose help you would request.
     b. In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. ~ MLK Jr.

Truths About "Foxholes"

· Foxholes without friends are unhealthy  - separating oneself from others & trying to face the world alone is not healthy or helpful

· Foxhole experiences forge great friendships
· Foxholes prove friendships - when you face tough times, you find out who your real friends are
     ○ False friends are like our shadows, keeping close to us while we walk in the sunshine but leaving us when we cross into the shade

A FAITHFUL FRIEND

1. Foxhole friends are few - If there are people in your life who would go to battle with you, value them, for they are rare indeed
2. Foxhole friends provide strength before & during the battle
     a. It is not so much our friends' help that helps us, as the confident knowledge that they will help us ~ Epicurus
3. Foxhole friends see things from the same perspective
     a. People who climb down into the foxhole with you see things from your point of view, & they express empathy for your situation. That not only makes them a great help, but also a great comfort.
4. Foxhole friends make a difference in our lives
5. Foxhole friends love us unconditionally

My Re-Evolution: Syndicated - by Succinct

The devil was a liar when he told me
My Revolution would not be televised!
Instead, I find myself ostracized, bent over
Naked and shaking my PG-13 ass on prime-
Time Television channels fixed on DVR
Recording my every e[motion]less-
Movements characterized by statistics held
In hand by white collar businessmen
Cashing in on the fruits of my labor.

My revolution will not be televised?

No. Instead, it will be syndicated years after
Failed preaching’s of those who believed the martyr
And then I would have to work that much harder
To scold masses on the premise of mis-taken
Identity and uneducated teachings.

My movement will be not characterized
By re-evolution of ideas farmed far before
My time and yours. Fingers no longer bleeding
From cultivating white lies and bitter sugar-
Coated memoirs of why.
Culture no longer procured, but recycled-
Ciphering slave mentalities and cutting them
With Cocaine, fast cash and 23" rims.

Ignorance is vein siphoned from mouth-
To mouth, and we have yet to be resuscitated.

The devil was a liar when he told me
Follow my heart and see my dreams in stars
But left out I’d have to carry the weight of
Ancestries woes and bear the burden of scars
From mixed heritage and shames of being
A Smart Negro in a social society of
Other smart negroes that can’t grow,
While we pop collars picking cotton in
whatever direction we tak-e[nd]
life, leaving muddy boots on doorsteps
awaiting Passover and deaths
of first born identities recreating themselves
simply to blend with status quo.

Reincarnated replica's of middle passage[s]
read in contracts of million dollar deals
played on stations after dark and Jr networks
networth-ing brown faces handing them
24 karat diamond dipped shackles as they
ride through town in Bently wagons
being sold to youths lynched by censorship;

they are the 20th century indentured servant.

My truth is unacceptable and non-marketable,
so they subtitled my fate, airbrushed my face
to save face to save fakes and still leave enough
time for re-runs of life in-living-color.

He told me my revolution would not be televised
so that evolution would not be recognized
and discontinued my epiphanies’ rage
when the poorer got cable TV.

40 Things Every Woman Must Know About Men,Relationships, & Love - by Gillis Triplett

1. There are two types of males: Dishonorable males and honorable men. Don’t date or marry until you know how to tell the difference between the two! The woman in the mirror will graciously thank you.

2. Honorable men are protectors. They will guard your heart, protect your emotions, defend your honor and stand as champions for your spiritual, mental and physical well-being; choose an honorable man and choose life!

3. You are not a car; if you meet a man who wants to test drive your physical body, emotions and feelings, point him to a car dealership, bid him adieu and don’t look back!

4. This is a true saying: “The soul of a woman is fragile.” Please note: dishonorable males refuse to respect this crucial truth. They will toy with a woman’s emotions without any semblance of concern or compassion. Therefore YOU must guard your heart from these cold-hearted males with all diligence.

5. . Good men need to be treated like good men, dishonorable males, need to be let go and left alone!

6. OK ladies; you’ve met this great guy, but he’s got a child or children for which he does not take care of, provide for or see to. Follow these instructions to the letter: urgently send him back to the mother(s) of his child(ren) and don’t look back. Don’t make the same mistake the mother(s) of his child(ren) did!

7. Dishonorable males treat sex as a sport, females as trophies and children they sire as wastepaper. Never allow yourself to become their next score, mantle piece or sperm repository.

8. Women who hold grudges, seek vengeance, cling to bitterness and are unwilling to forgive, unwittingly break their own hearts!

9. Choose the wrong mate and you might as well have laid next to a boa constrictor or grabbed the ears of a raging mad pit bull. A smart woman learns how to choose her mate wisely!

10. Heed the sage advice of some caring brothers and honorable men. If he doesn’t fit - don’t force him, just relax and let him go. Destiny is on your side… TRUE LOVE will find you!

11. Momma’s boys belong with only one type of woman; their moms! Ladies, these mothers and their sons will never cut their grotesque umbilical cord. Therefore, for your sake, leave them alone and just let them trot home to their mommies.

12. Self-love: if you don’t have it, pull yourself off the market. Make no mistake about it, if you don’t love yourself, NO MAN can ever love you… no matter how great a man he is.

13. Don’t judge ALL men by one man’s actions; unless you want ALL men to judge you based on the acts of amoral women.

14. Most women learn how to choose a mate the hard way; they go through a gut wrenching string of emotionally detached males, jerks, pimps, thugs and players. Don’t become one of those heart broken and bitter women! Learn how to properly choose a mate before it’s too late! The woman in the mirror will graciously thank you.

15. You wondering, “If I move in with him, is he going to marry me?” Answer: “Not likely!” Don’t believe it, take these two critical tests: (a). Ask any honorable man! And, (b). Examine the ever-growing list of disillusioned women who are begrudgingly waiting for their non-committal live-in lovers to pop the big question.

16. Do you keep attracting men who are dogs? Check the scent you’re putting out. Men who are dogs are attracted by scent!

17. You are not a man! Therefore, you will never be: a role model for men, a father figure, a man’s mentor or a man’s coach. If a man has lacked proper male leadership in his life, kindly send him on his way. Know for a certainty; he is not prepared for the responsibilities that come with love, sex, relationship and marriage.

18. If you don’t know what a misogynistic man is, take this time to check your dictionary. For your sake, sanity and safety, avoid these treacherous males at all costs.

19. Don’t ever delude yourself! Your beauty, fine body, sexual prowess, cooking skills, femininity and vibrant personality will never be enough to change a man, NEVER!

20. If your potential mate does such things as: promises to call you but doesn’t, makes dates and breaks them, shows up late or plays games with your emotions; take notes ladies... those are clear cut warning signs that he DOES NOT value you, he DOES NOT love you and he DOES NOT care about you!

21. Angry, bitter, hostile, combative, unforgiving single women, become: angry, bitter, hostile and combative, unforgiving wives.

22. A fundamental understanding and respect of the male ego is a must for all women who want a vibrant and healthy love; DO NOT obtain this crucial information from dishonorable males or from angry bitter women.

23. If you choose to be with dishonorable males, pimps, players, thugs, ballers and shot callers, you have absolutely no right to complain when they torch your emotions, abuse you, leave you pregnant and alone, jeopardize your safety and otherwise harm or hurt you. Remember, you have freedom of choice and you chose to be with them!

24. When a man is trying to find himself, kindly bid him adieu… PERMANENTLY! He can find you, but can’t find himself? He shouldn’t be looking for love… he should be searching for the map to Mastering Manhood!

25. OK; he wants or is demanding sex but you are not his wife. Write this down: There is no need to wonder, debate or contemplate: he DOES NOT honor or respect you!

26. Spoiled women are like spoiled milk, spoiled meat, spoiled fruit spoiled bread and spoiled brats. Get the picture? Don’t become a spoiled woman!

27. Expecting a dishonorable male to do the honorable thing is like expecting piranhas not to devour you if you make the mistake of diving into their water.

28. You’ve asked these questions, “Why doesn’t he call me more often? Why doesn’t he pursue me more diligently and why doesn’t he show me that he loves me?” Answer; he’s not into you! If you don’t let him go and move on with your life, you will allow him to hinder or block your true love from finding you!

29. All men ARE NOT dogs! Don’t believe, repeat or perpetuate that rampant lie! You will hamper your ability to see and discern the good men who cross your path!

30. Some males like to hit women. It gives them a sense of power and control. If you give yourself to one of these abusive males, most assuredly you will become a punching bag and a floor mat. It is critical that you learn how to detect and avoid these cretins!

31. Promiscuous immoral women are not worthy of an honorable man. They never have been and they never will be.

32. Never allow emotionally embittered women to influence you concerning the male gender. If you do, their hatred and unforgiveness will become yours. Soon you will find yourself suspicious, indignant and angry at all men.

33. You were not designed, built or destined for abuse, whether: emotionally, physically or financially. If he is an abuser, there is no need to deliberate… he IS NOT the one; leave him now!

34. Some women live their lives vicariously through the women on “Girlfriends, Sex In The City and Desperate Housewives.” Don’t become one of these women. If you do, you will make a literal mess of your life, emotions, physical body and well-being.

35. When a man truly loves you, he will honor and respect you. If he doesn't… don’t deceive yourself and don’t allow him to defraud you; he DOES NOT love OR care about you!

36. Everyone has skeletons in their closet? Wrong! Not everyone has skeletons in their closet. Don’t start putting any in yours!

37. There is a vast difference between sex and love. Most men know the difference and you had better learn it fast! If you fail or refuse to do so, you are surely headed for relationship or marital crash and burn.

38. Don’t deceive yourself, once you have sex with a man who is not your husband… he may never admit it, but he has lost a degree of respect for you. Don’t believe it? Ask any honorable man or virtuous woman.

39. The dismal cycle of breaking up and making up only works out in the romance novels, television shows and movies. If you are riding that emotional roller coaster get off right now! Your heart, mind and soul will forever thank you.

40. Nothing is more beautiful, captivating, attractive and sensual than a woman with a gentle and peaceable spirit!

Art: The Man - Michael http://nxxos.deviantart.com/art/The-Man-121640182

Rules to Gratefulness

Her body is something
To be discovered
Rather than de-clothed,
Her mind is meant to be
Influenced by thought
Rather than inflicted upon
By threats.
Her womb should be
Purposely preserved
Rather than precariously
Penetrated.
Her smile should be bronzed only
Because it’s third to your mom’s
and your daughter's
Rather than broken,
Her opinion should be appreciated
Rather than annihilated.
Her ability should be continuously
Conjugated rather than carelessly
Considered.
Her presences should be upheld
Rather than unnoticed.
Her voice should be heard
Rather than hindered.
Telling her that you love her should be
a gratifying gift rather than a
Gutless gesture.

Art: Accolade by Michael Oswald -http://MichaelO.deviantart.com/art/Accolade-76075319