“It is a greater compliment to be trusted than to be loved” ~ George MacDonald
The Question I Must Ask Myself: Am I a trustworthy person?
TRUST ME ON THIS
It’s impossible to overestimate the importance of truth when it comes to trust
If you boil relationships down to the most important element, it’s always going to be trust – not leadership, value, partnership, or anything else.
If you don’t have trust, your relationship is in trouble and here’s why:
Trust Is the Foundation of Any Relationship
Developing trust is like constructing a building
i. It takes time & it must be done one piece at a time
ii. As in construction, it’s much easier to tear something down than it is to build it up
1. But if the foundation is strong, there’s a good chance that what is built upon will stand
Trust Is the Frame of Any Relationship
A relationship is like a painting and trust is like the frame that surrounds it & holds it together.
i. Trust provides a context in which to view the work of art
ii. Trust defines it’s boundaries
iii. Trust secures it to the wall so that it can be enjoyed
iv. Trust provides emotional structure
“Trust is…established when words & deeds are congruent. Trust also develops when people feel safe & secure. When thoughts & ideas are shot down & ridiculed, it doesn’t take long to realize that the climate is neither safe nor conducive to making yourself vulnerable. Defensive climates can be diminished by providing descriptive rather than evaluative comments, expressing feelings of caring and involvement, and being willing to actively seek out, listen to, understand, and utilize other people’s perspectives” – William M. Boast, author of Masters of Change
Trust Is the Height of Any Relationship
When 2 people trust each other COMPLETELY, the relationship can grow to a level of friendship that is as rewarding as anything in life.
EARNING TRUST OF OTHERS
“Trust is the result of a risk successfully survived” – Jack R. Gibbs
1. When people trust us they truly take a risk
· But with each successive time people put their trust in us & we don’t let them down, we reduce that risk & build the relationship.
2. If you desire to build your trustworthiness - & as a result, your relationship – remember these 3 truths about trust:
1. Trust Begins with Yourself
o If you’re not honest with yourself, you will not be capable of honesty with others.
§ Self-deception is the enemy of relationships, and it also undermines personal growth.
§ If you can’t admit your short-comings, you can’t improve them.
o It all goes back to the Mirror Principle
§ The first person we must examine is ourselves
§ Don’t ask others to put their confidence in you if you believe you may betray it.
§ Work on your character first, then your relationships.
2. Trust Can’t Be Compartmentalized
o “One of the realities of life is that if you can’t trust a person at all points, you can’t truly trust him or her at any point” – Cheryl Biehl
§ Many people try to compartmentalize their lives
· They try to cut corners or compromise their values in one area of life, & believe it won’t affect another area.
o Character doesn’t work that way & neither does trust.
o If someone asks you to help him in a lie, don’t believe that he will avoid lying to you whenever it’s convenient.
§ What a person will do with you, he’ll also do to you.
o An individual’s character eventually bleeds into every aspect of his life
3. Trust Works Like a Bank Account
o “Trust is like a bank account –- you’ve got to keep making deposits if you want it to grow. On occasion, things will go wrong & you will have to make a withdrawal. Meanwhile, it’s sitting in the bank earning interest” – Mike Abrashoff
o “Change In Your Pocket” Relationally
§ When you 1st begin a relationship with someone, you start fresh with that person
· If the person is trusting and generous you may begin with a little bit of change
· If the person is suspicious or hurting, you probably begin with none
§ Each time you do something to build trust; you put relational change in your pocket.
§ Each time you do something negative, you spend some of that change.
· Do enough negative things –due to lack of character or competence --- & you’re bankrupt, & that spells the end of that relationship.
o If this is a new concept to you, then you need to ask yourself some questions at the end of every day:
§ Am I making deposits?
§ Am I making withdrawals?
· If so you need to make things right by doing the following:
o Apologize
o Ask yourself why you broke trust
o Correct the issue in your life
o Recognize that it takes longer to restore trust than to lose it
o Remember, trust is stored by deeds, not just by words
§ Am I compounding my trust?
· “If you set up an atmosphere of communication & trust, it becomes a tradition. Older team members will establish your credibility with newer ones. Even if they don’t like everything about you, they’ll still say, ‘He’s trustworthy, committed to us as a team.’” – Mike Krzyzewski, head basketball coach at Duke University
A FRIEND INDEED
You can trust them with your life
They love you unconditionally
They embrace your vision
They embody your values
The represent you well to others
They look out for your best interest
The speak the truth when you need to hear it
The support you through the tough times
They defend you to your crictics
WHAT IF YOU’RE RELUCTANT TO TRUST OTHERS?
Forgive them – Because you are in the right, you have power over the other persons. Please don’t abuse that power.
Explain that the violation must never happen again – Forgiving others doesn’t mean allowing them to continue hurting you.
Remember their better moments – We all have our highs & lows. It takes maturity to treat people according to their best qualities.
“The chief lesson I have learned in a long life is that the only way you can make a man trustworthy is by trusting him; & the surest way to make him untrustworthy is to distrust him & show your distrust.” – Henry L. Simpson, former U.S. secretary of state
The Question I Must Ask Myself: Am I a trustworthy person?
TRUST ME ON THIS
It’s impossible to overestimate the importance of truth when it comes to trust
If you boil relationships down to the most important element, it’s always going to be trust – not leadership, value, partnership, or anything else.
If you don’t have trust, your relationship is in trouble and here’s why:
Trust Is the Foundation of Any Relationship
Developing trust is like constructing a building
i. It takes time & it must be done one piece at a time
ii. As in construction, it’s much easier to tear something down than it is to build it up
1. But if the foundation is strong, there’s a good chance that what is built upon will stand
Trust Is the Frame of Any Relationship
A relationship is like a painting and trust is like the frame that surrounds it & holds it together.
i. Trust provides a context in which to view the work of art
ii. Trust defines it’s boundaries
iii. Trust secures it to the wall so that it can be enjoyed
iv. Trust provides emotional structure
“Trust is…established when words & deeds are congruent. Trust also develops when people feel safe & secure. When thoughts & ideas are shot down & ridiculed, it doesn’t take long to realize that the climate is neither safe nor conducive to making yourself vulnerable. Defensive climates can be diminished by providing descriptive rather than evaluative comments, expressing feelings of caring and involvement, and being willing to actively seek out, listen to, understand, and utilize other people’s perspectives” – William M. Boast, author of Masters of Change
Trust Is the Height of Any Relationship
When 2 people trust each other COMPLETELY, the relationship can grow to a level of friendship that is as rewarding as anything in life.
EARNING TRUST OF OTHERS
“Trust is the result of a risk successfully survived” – Jack R. Gibbs
1. When people trust us they truly take a risk
· But with each successive time people put their trust in us & we don’t let them down, we reduce that risk & build the relationship.
2. If you desire to build your trustworthiness - & as a result, your relationship – remember these 3 truths about trust:
1. Trust Begins with Yourself
o If you’re not honest with yourself, you will not be capable of honesty with others.
§ Self-deception is the enemy of relationships, and it also undermines personal growth.
§ If you can’t admit your short-comings, you can’t improve them.
o It all goes back to the Mirror Principle
§ The first person we must examine is ourselves
§ Don’t ask others to put their confidence in you if you believe you may betray it.
§ Work on your character first, then your relationships.
2. Trust Can’t Be Compartmentalized
o “One of the realities of life is that if you can’t trust a person at all points, you can’t truly trust him or her at any point” – Cheryl Biehl
§ Many people try to compartmentalize their lives
· They try to cut corners or compromise their values in one area of life, & believe it won’t affect another area.
o Character doesn’t work that way & neither does trust.
o If someone asks you to help him in a lie, don’t believe that he will avoid lying to you whenever it’s convenient.
§ What a person will do with you, he’ll also do to you.
o An individual’s character eventually bleeds into every aspect of his life
3. Trust Works Like a Bank Account
o “Trust is like a bank account –- you’ve got to keep making deposits if you want it to grow. On occasion, things will go wrong & you will have to make a withdrawal. Meanwhile, it’s sitting in the bank earning interest” – Mike Abrashoff
o “Change In Your Pocket” Relationally
§ When you 1st begin a relationship with someone, you start fresh with that person
· If the person is trusting and generous you may begin with a little bit of change
· If the person is suspicious or hurting, you probably begin with none
§ Each time you do something to build trust; you put relational change in your pocket.
§ Each time you do something negative, you spend some of that change.
· Do enough negative things –due to lack of character or competence --- & you’re bankrupt, & that spells the end of that relationship.
o If this is a new concept to you, then you need to ask yourself some questions at the end of every day:
§ Am I making deposits?
§ Am I making withdrawals?
· If so you need to make things right by doing the following:
o Apologize
o Ask yourself why you broke trust
o Correct the issue in your life
o Recognize that it takes longer to restore trust than to lose it
o Remember, trust is stored by deeds, not just by words
§ Am I compounding my trust?
· “If you set up an atmosphere of communication & trust, it becomes a tradition. Older team members will establish your credibility with newer ones. Even if they don’t like everything about you, they’ll still say, ‘He’s trustworthy, committed to us as a team.’” – Mike Krzyzewski, head basketball coach at Duke University
A FRIEND INDEED
You can trust them with your life
They love you unconditionally
They embrace your vision
They embody your values
The represent you well to others
They look out for your best interest
The speak the truth when you need to hear it
The support you through the tough times
They defend you to your crictics
WHAT IF YOU’RE RELUCTANT TO TRUST OTHERS?
Forgive them – Because you are in the right, you have power over the other persons. Please don’t abuse that power.
Explain that the violation must never happen again – Forgiving others doesn’t mean allowing them to continue hurting you.
Remember their better moments – We all have our highs & lows. It takes maturity to treat people according to their best qualities.
“The chief lesson I have learned in a long life is that the only way you can make a man trustworthy is by trusting him; & the surest way to make him untrustworthy is to distrust him & show your distrust.” – Henry L. Simpson, former U.S. secretary of state
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